Although people often warn us that a dog is for life, not just for Christmas, these lot are really taking the biscuit.
Everyone knows that taking care of a pet is a real commitment, but sometimes you can end up getting way more than you bargained for.
With the oldest animal on this list coming in at a frightening 188 years old, we investigate the pets who flat out refused to go ‘live on a farm’.
Oldest Cat Ever
The oldest cat ever recorded was named Creme Puff, a female tabby hailing from Austin, Texas.
In total, she lived an astonishing 38 years and 3 days.
From 3rd August 1964 to her death on 6th August 2005, Creme Puff lived through everything from the Apollo Moon Landings to the rise and ever so devastating fall of Atomic Kitten.
Strangely, her owner Jake Perry was also the owner of the previously oldest cat in the world, a tomcat by the name of Granpa Rex Allen, who lived to be 34 years and 2 months old.
While he was certainly terrible at naming his cats, there’s no denying that Mr Perry was incredibly good at taking care of them. So the question is, just what on earth was he feeding them!?
Unfortunately, you may not like the answer.
When it came to diet, Mr Perry fed his cats an assortment of horrors including cat food, broccoli, eggs, turkey, bacon and coffee with cream, the latter being severely frowned upon by every veterinary professional in existence.
To make things worse, Mr Perry also claims to have given Creme Puff around an eyedropper full of red wine, twice a week, to help “circulate the arteries”.
In short, he fed them a seemingly lethal concoction of alcohol and caffeine, much to the dismay of the medical profession.
Although it’s brought him great success, we don’t recommend trying the same for your cat, as it’ll more likely live all of 38 minutes.
Oldest Dog Ever
The oldest dog in recorded history is Bluey, an Australian cattle dog who lived an unbelievable 29 years and 5 months.
Hailing from Victoria, Australia, he was owned by Les and Elma Hall and lived from the 7th June 1910 to the 14th November 1939, spending most of his life working with cattle and sheep on a Rochester farm.
Many other dogs have since claimed to have surpassed his feat, but Bluey is still the only geriatric pooch to have had his age officially confirmed by the Guinness Book of World Records, making him the oldest verifiable dog to ever exist.
And in his home country of Australia, he has quite the legacy:
In 2018, the Australian Broadcasting Corporation started screening an animated television series called Bluey, following the adventures of an anthropomorphic six-year-old Australian Cattle dog, named in honour of the oldest ever canine.
After just one series, it is already recognised as the most-watched program in the history of ABC’s on-demand platform and has since been picked up by the Disney Channel where it has been viewed by 16 million Americans.
Should it accurately follow his life story, it could potentially never be off our screens for the next
Time to up your game Creme Puff.
Oldest Goldfish Ever
Identifying the age of a fish through biological testing is very difficult and so all of the oldest goldfish in history seem to have been dated back to the year they were first won at a fair.
The oldest of these was the imaginatively named Goldie, a goldfish who lived for a staggering 45 years.
Originally won in 1960 at a fair in Budleigh Salterton, Devon, Goldie got so fantastically old that he even managed to outlive his original owners, Doris and Bill Hallett, who died in 1995 and 1997.
He then fell into the hands of Mr and Mrs Hallet’s daughter, Pauline, who transferred him via bucket to her home in Bradninch.
Thankfully, Goldie did not then go on to outlive poor Pauline, but he did give it his best shot, lasting a further eight years in her care before passing away on 14th October 2005.
Oldest Hamster Ever
The Guinness Book of World Records states that the oldest hamster in history lived to the grand old age of 4.5 years and was owned by Karen Smeaton of Tyne & Wear.
Literally nothing else is known about its life, not even its name, meaning its Karen who is seemingly getting all the plaudits for this feat.
It presumably lived in a cage and ran around on a wheel, managing to do so for one and a half more years than the average hamster.
It’s easily the least impressive age in this list.
Still, well done Karen.
Oldest Tortoise (and Oldest Living Animal!)
It’s no secret that tortoises live a long time, and the oldest ever is a Seychelles Giant Tortoise named Jonathan, who is currently believed to be around 188 years old.
That’s right… he’s still alive, making him the oldest living animal currently on earth.
And what’s really scary is that 188 is just the minimum age he could be…
When Jonathan was first evaluated at his home in St Helena all the way back in 1882, his shell already showed the distinctions of a ‘fully mature’ tortoise. This means in 1882 he was already a minimum of 50 years old and so hatched no later than 1832!
Currently the prized pet of the Governor of St Helena, he’s had a long old innings, and unfortunately, life isn’t what it used to be for ol’ Jonno.
In the last five years, it’s been reported that Jonathan is now blind with cataracts, has no sense of smell and that his girlfriend of 28 years, a Giant Tortoise named Frederica, is actually a Frederick.
He has however retained perfect hearing, so try not to make too many jokes.
Oldest Rabbit Ever
The oldest rabbit ever recorded is Flopsy, a wild bunny who lived for 18 years and 10.75 months according to The Guinness Book of World Records.
However, this long-eared old-timer could have potentially been much, much older!
Originally a wild rabbit, Flopsy was caught by L.B Walker of Tasmania, Australia on the 6th August 1964, where he unusually decided to take her for a pet despite the macho, gunslinging image his name conjures to mind.
She then died almost 19 years later at his home.
Depending on how old Flopsy was on the day she was caught, it’s perfectly possible she may have lived for over 20 years, twice as long as the average domestic bunny!
Oldest Guinea Pig Ever
The oldest guinea pig ever was named Snowball, and it lived for a remarkable 14 years and 10.5 months!
Dying in February 1979, this wise old pig lived through some remarkable moments in history from the signing of the 1964 Civil Rights Act to the birth of the first ‘test-tube’ baby in 1978.
However, it’s not known if news of these great happenings ever spread to his hutch in rural Nottinghamshire.
Oldest Parrot Ever
Probably the most famous pet on the list, the oldest parrot ever is Poncho, a macaw aged 94 years old.
Unlike most of the idle, work-shy pets on this list, Poncho was a working actor in his day, starring in a host of Hollywood hits.
Holding down some key supporting roles in blockbusters such as Jim Carrey’s ‘Ace Ventura: Pet Detective’ and Eddie Murphy’s ‘Dr Dolittle’, Poncho’s films have grossed nearly $600 million at the box office.
That makes him a higher grossing star than Patrick Swayze, Gene Hackman and Sarah Jessica Parker.
Acknowledged in the 2014 Guinness Book of World Records as the world’s oldest parrot, Pancho is now retired and lives in a Shropshire pet shop.
Oldest Horse Ever
The oldest ever horse was Old Billy, a shire horse who lived for 62 years in the region of Warrington, the UK.
Presumably referred to as Billy before his teeth got particularly lengthy, Ol’ Bill spent most of his life working as a barge horse for Mersey and Irwell Navigation, living between 1760 and 1822.
To put this feat into perspective, the average life expectancy for a human in the UK at that time was just 40.
After his retirement, Billy came to be owned by Squire Henry Harrison, who turned Bill into something of a celebrity.
Although failing to reach Kardashian levels, Billy did have a few portraits painted in his day and his taxidermied head and preserved skull are now on display in Bedford and Manchester museums.